My Evening

Today, I watched the sun set, I watched it set fully, it was beautiful, at first it was golden, it’s already evening so it wasn’t blinding, I watched the golden color fade quietly, the sky gave different shades of blue, the clouds forming shapes to fit into the sky, the clouds also gave different shades, it was white where the sky was fully blue, it was shady were the sky was fairly blue, I knew the shady clouds was as a result of the rain that poured earlier.

The sun set always gave a pallet of colors, the mixture of colors that came from a golden orb was purely artistic and I just couldn’t fathom fully how it was spoken into existence, it’s mind blowing honestly. Today, the golden aura almost felt like it left the sun, it was starting to look like the moon except this was bigger, the golden color still sparkled but it wasn’t fully golden, almost immediately this tune came to my head and I hummed along to a tune I couldn’t place its origin.

The sun went down till it was completely eaten up by the cloud, I could only see the reflection of light above the cloud that ate it up, the orb had set, probably going off to rise in the East, watching the sun set gave a kind of serenity, it aroused a form of calmness that I couldn’t explain. The sun faded into the cloud giving way for the moon that is preparing to show up, probably coming out as crescent today..lol

Watching the heavenly bodies and I get wowed each time cause I really can’t help but marvel at how great this God is, like he spoke them into existence LITERALLY, it’s amazing and beautiful. I only spoke about the sun setting, imagine moving on to nature, the moon, daily life, etc, you definitely can’t run out of wonders to leave you dazed, God is artistic fr cause His creation are just wonderful, if you still doubt the wonders of His creation, look in the mirror, focus on what He has done, your achievements, your wins, etc and not just your flaws, your scars, your loss, what He hasn’t done,etc you’ll be amazed at how beautiful you are in Christ.


God loves you ❤️

The Antidote

He lost all he had
In the blink of an eye,
Life crashed

Frequent attacks
Mental battles
Life kicked

Bound by his chains
Constant pains
Life offered an antidote

He could be set free
His pains could go away,
If he allowed Jesus to heal

He could win this battle
Another chance at life
From Jesus’ perceptive

All it took was a leap of faith
To be whole again,
All he needed was Jesus

Note: This poem is kind of like a continuation/answer to my previous post “The attack”

God loves you ❤️

The Attack

He cradled his bag, holding it tightly to his chest like it was going to be snatched right out of his hand, he looked around frantically and noticed gazes on himself, their expression was like that of one who had just encountered a madman.

He quickened his pace, with his vision all blurry with tears he tried to swerve through the crowd to avoid hitting or touching any one, they made it easier for him already by the way they avoided him like a plague.

It was no surprise they didn’t pay that much attention to him even when he felt like he was about to die, nowadays people have more on their plate to cater for than to care for a stranger who is having an attack, or they would rather focus on their phones than notice a dying person by their side.

His breathing became irregular, it was starting to get harder to breathe, he kept tugging at his collar with hope that it would stop choking him but in reality he was wearing a loose round neck top that brought no harm to his breathing.

His heart kept racing till it became all he could hear, the crowd of people looked like they were fading in tune with his heartbeat, he felt alone and just wanted to fall and cry till he was cradled.

His eyes were tired and red and his face started to swell, he prayed silently he wouldn’t lose consciousness, he sat down on a pavement and tried counting from 30 downwards just as his therapist said.

“30…breathe in…29…breathe out…28 breathe in…” He continued the process till he got to one.

His breathing finally came back to normal, he looked around scared and agreed with his inner voice that told him he wasn’t ready to go back to relate with the outside world just yet.

The doctor told him “baby steps” but he thought he could handle going all out and look where it brought him, an attack and an almost asphyxia.

His PTSD was still very much in effect, that much was confirmed today, it’s been a year since the incident, 6 months since he left the hospital and 3½ months of therapy.

He never thought in a million years that he would end up this way because he knew his character to be the bubbly and jovial one, all he wanted at this point was to go back to the way things were but he knew that was just his imagination playing false hopes with him.

Note: watch out for my next post, it answers his need for normalcy.

God loves you ❤️

The mall

The mall is quite an interesting place to visit, I don’t go often but I still love to go, given the expenses in this country, it’s quite expensive to “stroll” to a mall. The cost of transportation alone is enough to kill your vibe except you live close to it then expenses are cut.

My favorite place in the mall is always the eatery, cause why not!, The amount of a cup of ice cream though makes you rethink leaving the comfort of your home, it’s a really non-satisfying small cup. I’d buy it everyday if I didn’t have to add tfare to my expenses. I’m a huge fan of ice cream but I guess we can’t all get what we want!.

For an ambivert like me who has zero skills in making new friends, my favorite day to go to a mall would be weekdays cause it isn’t packed then, most people are busy at work and I get to buy ice cream without having to wait in line for long minutes or watch a movie without loud unnecessary unwanted noises from people.

The cinemas are mostly cold and I hate it, I love watching movies on big screen but I hate the cold that accompanies it, I’m very receptive to cold, the littlest breeze makes me shiver and I always forget to wear a long sleeve or take a jacket with me (my bad!). I also wished they allowed food from outside into the cinema, I would literally pack and buy a lot of sweets into the cinema cause my popcorn finishes before the movie even starts.

I haven’t tried out karaoke but it’s one thing I’d really love to do at the mall. I think the clothes and shoes at the mall are overpriced though, they go overboard with them sometimes, well it’s quality over quantity so I can’t say I’m that surprised.

There are a whole lot to do at the mall but I narrow my choices down to the cinema, eatery and karaoke bar. I’d love to go to the mall once it’s opened again, maybe this time I can save up enough to visit other places at the mall. The dress code would be face mask, long sleeve/jacket and everything else that prevents me from freezing out in the cinema.

QOTD: What do you love to do the most at the mall?

Spread love always ❤️

Solitude

She walked gracefully towards the coffee shop, her morning routine was one thing she never left out of her day, wake up, pray, go out to jog or walk round the block till her mind clears, then she walks into the coffee shop to get her go to coffee, a very known customer she was, she didn’t have to let her order known, every staff knew it.

She walked in and smiled, her face lit up at the smell of the cocoa powder, she loved anything chocolate, it was such a beautiful day, the sun hadn’t fully come out to play yet and the weather wasn’t as hot as she thought it would be, the light breeze had a whiff of chocolate and she felt it was bliss.

She made her way to the counter to ask for extra cream to her coffee today, something felt good about today, the weather felt right, her natural hair which was really stubborn came out really well, she managed to pack it into a neatly bun with no strand, that was definitely a plus to her happiness today.

She looked around the coffee shop and noticed there were only 2 staffs available, the shop wasn’t packed this morning unlike Monday mornings when there were a lot of people in a hurry.

There were two couples sitting at the table beside the glass window looking very much in love and touchy like they haven’t seen each other in months, it was either that or they were newly Weds cause they had “that look”.

At the other side of the coffee shop built obviously for book lovers with the small book shelf filled with different great author classics, a guy dressed in a pair of black jeans and plain white tees with a dark blue face cap looking intensely at a book that probably wasn’t his taste.

And then there was her in grey sweatpants and her brother big ole rugged looking blue tee with her ear pods plugged in, standing at the coffee counter waiting for her coffee while observing the coffee shop and everything in it.

She paid for her coffee and left the shop, she loved how the sun made her skin pop, she knew she had to worry about skin burn but not today, she was going to let the sun shower her body with every vitamin D it had to give. It was a good day and she was all up for it.

Admiring the flowers by the roadside was a hobby she picked up from her best friend, she walked towards the nearest park to sit on the chair and bask in the good feeling the morning gave, she wasn’t ready to go home just yet, she didn’t feel like returning back to reality, she wanted this just for her, it was the time of the day she had to herself, a time to relax and enjoy the little things that made her smile.

She sipped her coffee and watched the sun rising, her head moved in sync with the music she was listening to, at that very moment she forgot all her worries and tried to enjoy the very little thing life offered, her mp3 did a good work with the shuffling of songs, it felt like it read her mind.

She got lost in the music and didn’t notice her phone ringing continuously.

“Excuse me ma’am your phone is disturbing the silence I’m trying to enjoy” the girl five feet from her said with a very unwelcoming tone.

She apologized and saw the five missed call from her mum and brother, she suddenly remembered the family meeting she was supposed to have this morning. Her time of solitude had come to an end, time to go back to face reality and she knew from the missed calls, it wasn’t going to be a good one. Well I guess there goes the “good feeling”.

Note: everyone loves their time of solitude, the very little thing that matters might come in simple orders, so take time out of your stressful day and take a walk, talk to that special one, smile at a stranger and be kind.

QOTD: What do you do during your time of solitude?.

Spread love always ❤️

Colors

Primary colors are just three
But variety of shades they give
Mix and you’ll see
A play on colors is what they’ll be

Red is mainly identified with danger
Also a call for help to (maybe) a stranger
I prefer the definition as bold and daring
It demands attention you can’t seem to stop staring

Yellow is what the sun says
A happy color that stays serene
Bright and delicate,you can’t miss it
A different shade at the sun setting

Blue is what the sky gives
Blue is what the ocean sea(see😉)
Blue colors friendship
Blue is cool

Colors have its meaning
Good and bad, its fascinating
Keep mixing to keep discovering
Colors add the spice to everything

This colors are just three but in-depth
All you see isn’t what you get
A drop or a spoonful determines the shade
If you settle on the superficial,you lose
Don’t judge a color without finding out its depth

Note: it’s been a month(more than a month though 🙃) without writing on here, it has also been a month of being lazy with my write ups 😶. I also feel like this poem can be likened to different things (i.e character, race, Christianity, talents,country, etc) it’s all about digging deeper than the surface, don’t settle on stereotypes, don’t fit in to the box of  society’s perception of you. Unless you are perfect, don’t judge😉.
P.S: Let God be your artist, He is the best at mixing colors😊.
God loves you❤️

My Response

Note: a friend wrote a poem and it broke my heart 💔, she had been through a lot and I love her for being so strong even till now, so I replied her poem with mine, I got so engrossed and didn’t even know I wrote 3 pages😐 but she loved it and I did some editing to it and decided to share it with you guys also🤗.

Holding the darkness so dear

While staring at the light far ahead

Every step i took was a step back

The light never seemed so far away

Darkness had become my solace

But this chains of my past made my heart race

The darkness started to puncture

It was meant to be my friend

But it started to Pierce

Unaware of how much pain the abyss will bring

I looked inward and hoped for a change

Cause as much as I held the darkness so dear

It only stimulated my pain for a while

I still had to face reality

Drowning in darkness didn’t mean healing

Looking away from the light didn’t meant fighting

It only spoke of my cowardice

It screamed fear

It muttered anxiety

I wasn’t fighting to get to the light

I wasn’t putting effort to reach for it

It came and I scurried back

Cause moving into the light meant being exposed

Lusting for the light meant bravery

Desire for the light meant freedom

But this darkness had consumed my every part

It had become my new born

I knew I had to leave it someday

If I give into it every time it came

I’ll keep succumbing to the thought it brought

The thoughts were of no good

They screamed one word at the very end

SUICIDE

But what happens on the other side?

This abyss I succumb to each time,

Is happily ever after promising?

Will I feel fulfilled on the other side?

What have I achieved enough to take with me?

Will I cause to pain to those I leave behind?

As much as this darkness is alive

So is the light

I’m going to walk towards the light

I’m receiving my sight

I’ll fight with all I’ve got

My story mustn’t have a sad ending

This chapter might be exhausting

But my end will be a story worth telling

I’d leave a legacy worth emulating

Cause it will be one filled with rejoicing

My hope is built on nothing less

My faith is in Christ Jesus

I’ll walk out into His light

And smile at this serendipity

Note: Her poem is the featured image 👆, I hope you love it as much as she did and I hope it leaves a good impact on you all.❤️

The Dark Room

Note: If you have actual PTSD and get triggered easily, please don’t read it, if you are going to disobey then please read CAREFULLY to the end. I don’t know how carefully works out but you’ll surely overcome 💪

Imagine

A dark room with just one door

You get up to open it

Because you feel suffocated

It’s a large room but you feel confined

You try to reach the knob

But it goes far away at your touch

You look around once more

And notice the room isn’t so large

The room reminds you of where it all began

Where the nightmare began

Where the trauma originated

Where you became scarred

And you scream so loud

But you don’t hear yourself

The room starts getting smaller

You lose your stamina

You fall from running

You look and realize you ran on one spot

It starts to feel like a treadmill

The voices turn into laughter

And you get really scared

Your past is coming back to haunt you

You start to lose it

Stop imagining!

That’s what the devil does

He attacks from within

His tricks are aimed for the mind

He steals, kills and destroy

He is the voice that says “you are not worth it”

“You are too far gone to be saved”

“No one loves you”

“You are of no value”

He is the one behind those words

He attacks the mind to get the soul

And he is smart enough to achieve it

But his power is fruitless in the presence of God

His words are not final to you

God’s word has the final say in your life

And God says

“I love you”

“I’ll deliver you”

“You are a royal priesthood”

“You are mine”

Listen to His voice instead

And come into the kingdom of light

You become blameless in His sight

Just believe and accept Him

And you start to live on the solid rock

Just hold on

And call on Him

It gets beautiful and peaceful

Lay your burdens at His feet

He’ll heal you

Your past becomes old news

Your present is the start of a new journey

Your future becomes the best chapter at the end

All because grace stepped in

The Joy of salvation

That unexplainable feeling

The peace it brings

The tingling you feel

But it still feels surreal

It’s a whole new reality

A ball of ecstasy

A whole new point of view

You have been washed anew

In the precious blood of Jesus

All it took was a leap of faith

An inward irrevocable decision

Living is now from the inside out

You have become an inward witness

Of the sun of righteousness

By Grace through faith you are justified

On the cross where He was crucified

For your sake He died

Rose up,ascended and was glorified

Because of His name

We can come into the father’s presence

With praise as our incense

There will be challenges on the way

There will be battles to face

It’s a journey that goes step by step

Life will hit you hard just so you can give up

Because you are not of this world

You were not promised smooth sailing

The devil keeps planning

But our Father is never failing

And He has promised to deliver you

So trust in Him

He’ll surely stand by you

In the face of adversity

For it is written

“We are more than conquerors through Him who loved us”

BEAUTIFUL

Growing up

Being made to adjust

To humans idea of Beautiful

Became a teen

And you start to notice

Life isn’t all what mama portrayed it to be


Subconsciously trying to fit in

Beautiful started including

Plump lips and cat eyes

Impeccable, skin with no spots

Voluptuous in the private parts

Flat stomach and naivety


Being mocked for being YOU

Being called “weird” by weirdos

Laughed at for being “different”

Mocked at for being expressive

Bullied for refusing to adhere with their terms


Beautiful is now measured from the outside

Attitude, values and integrity

Compassion, respect and sincerity

Now seem to have less value to the society

Diffidence, cold and petty

Insanity, disloyalty and vanity

Is highly ignored if you have a pretty face


I miss those days when I didn’t have to worry

I miss those days when I was shielded from society

I miss those days when life seemed fair

I miss those days when I didn’t have to live up to perceptions

I miss those days when all I had to keep from falling was the pacifier


I don’t have to conform to their ideas

I don’t have to hide to escape being judged

I don’t have to shy away from myself

I don’t have to demean myself for others

I don’t have to change my identity for society


I am Beautiful

I am Strong

I am Different

I am Confident

I will keep working till it’s a conviction

I am not who the world say I am

I am who God says I am

Create your website at WordPress.com
Get started